BOYS OF THE BlaCK STUFF
- giveembeansbafc
- Jun 27
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 27
Our Intrepid Explorer Drinks Guinness with Give 'Em Beans
Just one more drink and then I should be on my way home
I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about
I've had a really nice time, but my dogs need to be fed
I must say that in the right light, you look like Shackleton
-The Weakerthans
Guinness, not this Beans correspondent's beverage of choice, preferring a refreshing lager beer to a fat slab of Bovril milkshake. Luckily, we have Guinness aficionado, Oliver (who is also our LoPay guy who makes sure we can take card payments on match days) on hand as we embark on this less than scientific journey to find Barrow's best pint of the Black Stuff.
The launch of a new Give 'Em Beans Guinness inspired T-shirt is as good an excuse as any to take a tour round some of our finest town centre drinking holes. We hope the multinationals of both Heinz and now Guinness take our work in good spirits. Best grab the shirt now before the cease and desist drops.
It's Dave Day plus one and the town resembles a Sons of Anarchy B-roll montage and is littered with Si King doppelgängers, we're seeing him at every turn. "Hey Kingy, love your work brother." "Sorry mate, thought you were Kingy."
First Stop: The Waterloo
With the recent heatwave having receded, a familiar cold westerly has blown us through the front doors of our first establishment, the Waterloo. To maintain some kind of order to this chaos, we've categorised each pub we plan to visit, and we've called this one 'the cheap and cheerful'. The sort of pub that used to live on the corner of your street, an extension of your living room that you could stumble home from and start a chip pan fire in the '80s. It's been a while since I've crossed the threshold of this particular boozer, not since it was renamed highly original ‘Last Orders’ by the creatives at a chain pub brand. Mercifully they didn’t opt for the Live Laugh Love Arms, The Royal Wine O’Clock, or the Fox and Bosh! Thankfully it's now back to the Waterloo, and it seems they've put their prices in a time machine as our first order is very reasonably priced. There's a miasma of hot dogs hanging in the air as food is served off the pool table and the bingo is about to start as Bohemian Rhapsody is pounding from the speakers. The bar is well attended and there is a relaxed atmosphere throughout. Maybe to match the price, the Guinness is served in a vintage 2010 glass (there's identifying codes on the glasses don't you know, non-Guinness scholars). The drink is cheap, the pub is great, but how's the pint? Oliver is impressed; the Guinness is cold, smooth and flavoursome. Slight criticism on the finish which he describes as grainy. Overall, this is a strong start with very little fault to find in either the pub or the Guinness. We have a good measure as we head to the next venue, the Duke of Edinburgh.
SECOND Stop: The DUKE
We've categorised the Duke as 'luxury', mainly due to the eye-watering prices. We step out of the rain and into the bar of what used to be the final leg of the Rollo run and a fine live music venue. The bar is now fully refurbished and seemingly designed to appeal exclusively to drivers of Ice White Land Rovers and artificial grass enjoyers. If you want your gin to be served in a glass the size of a golf umbrella and see your tipple as a status symbol, you're in the right place. The tables are at just the right height to leaf through your property portfolio and send a message to Steven Bartlett on LinkedIn as your Whoop band counts your steps to the bog. The character maybe have been sandblasted off but more importantly, how's the bloody Guinness? After being rushed for a buttock clenching bar fee, Oliver is disappointed. The Guinness, much like the décor, is lacking personality. It's cold enough but has notes of Fabreze on the finish. We've been rinsed, but maybe the glass hasn't, it seems. And what's more, there's an empty mini jar of marmalade on our table, presumably leftover from breakfast. Deano would be fuming.
Third Stop: Tipsy Shamrock
Next on the list is a relatively new establishment and one we've been anticipating: the Irish-themed bar, Tipsy Shamrock. File under the expedition ‘Irish Bar’ category. Now if any bar on our agenda should be serving up a cracking pint of the black stuff, it's here. Living in the former Barrow Arms, we are hoping it's free of Wrexham fans giving it the big one (right, barrowafc.net fans?). As we approach the doorway, fearful of hearing Ed Sheeran spilling out onto the street, its a relief to see its not one of those logo-in-the-foam Irish bars. The owners have gone all in on the décor: eye catching neon signs, imposing copper distillers and every inch of wall space covered with beer mats and drinking paraphernalia. Traditional Irish music is piping out and we didn't hear 'Fiesta' once. With so many Irish theme bars getting it so wrong (we all remember O'Sullivan's, right?), Tipsy's has nailed it. Highly recommended if you haven't already visited. So, and most importantly, what's the Guinness like, guv'nor? Maybe it's the Christy Moore in the air, but Oliver tells me it's fantastic. A clear leader so far. Cold, bursting with flavour and silky all the way down to the glass end. What could have left us feeling like we'd just read one of James Joyce's love letters (look them up, or maybe not...) has won us over. Tipsy's is going to be hard to beat.
FOURTH Stop: THE RAILWAY
Can everyone's 'favourite' multimillionaire tramp Tim Weatherspoon do it with his pub, The Railway? Very much in the ‘Chain Pub’ category, let's find out, as we head to The Railway. Do you need me to describe The Railway? The carpet, the menus, the bar, the gloom, the citalopram. Oliver gets this round in using his LoPay card for a quick transaction and here's the good news: it's cheap. Here's the bad news: it's shit. Onwards.
Fifth Stop: Cunningham's
And it's on to the Hindpool heavyweight, Cunningham's, which your Beans! representative used to represent soccerwise back in the Furness Hotel era. The jewel in Bath Street's crown, always a friendly welcome, spotlessly clean with great value and quality pints. Now being a few pints deep, my notes are wearing a little thin (hic), so my apologies for not giving a more detailed description. But mine is not to describe or rate the Guinness, so how was it? It's another winner. Oliver is impressed with the temperature and body of the beverage, and again it's great value for money.
SIXTH Stop: THE SOCCER BAR
We step out of the dim pub into the now pupil-destroying, blistering sunlight. The natural enemy of the afternoon drinker. We blindly stagger forward to our final destination, and closest bar to the soccer (without actually being the soccer), the Soccer Bar in our category ‘closest the soccer’. By the time we reach it, it's raining again. How long did it take us to sway here?
There's only a light sprinkling of patrons enjoying the bar today, but the Soccer Bar is exactly the sort of place that would give Bill Bryson a semi. A real working men's club vibe that we are sadly losing. The kids would rather play a round of mini golf or stand in a ball pit with a drink, than sit in solitude at a red Formica table staring into a pint of Toby Lite in a period of peaceful, quiet reflection. They don’t know what they’re missing. Quintessentially British, an oasis of a perfect drinking environment. The only slight disappointment being the Give 'Em Beans! Cowps sticker has been removed from the Armitage Shanks urinal cistern flush. Oliver informs me the Guinness is spectacular. It's right up there with the best he's tasted today. But has it won the day? No, Tipsy's has taken the crown.
THE VERDICT!
Tipsy Shamrock - The clear winner
Soccer Bar - Traditional excellence
Cunningham's - Hindpool's finest
Waterloo - Nostalgic charm
Duke of Edinburgh - All style, no substance
The Railway - Tim's disappointment
And so our intrepid Guinness odyssey draws to a close, like Scott reaching the pole only to find Amundsen's tent already pitched (though thankfully with considerably less hypothermia and penguin interaction). Oliver, our stout pintsman, has weathered the storm of mediocre head retention and questionable cleaning practices to deliver his verdict from the frontlines of Barrow's drinking establishments.
From the reasonably priced nostalgia of the Waterloo to the gentrified disappointment of the Duke, from the authentic Irish craic of Tipsy Shamrock to the reliable gloom of Spoons, we've traversed a good selection of Barrow's pub landscape. The Soccer Bar's working class poetry and Cunningham's dependable excellence have reminded us why these establishments remain the beating heart of our community, even as the Give 'Em Beans urinal sticker has sadly departed this mortal coil.
As we stumble homeward through the schizophrenic Barrovian weather, sun to rain to sun again in the time it takes to drain a pint, we're left with the profound realisation that while not all Guinness is created equal, the journey to discover the perfect pint is half the craic. Tipsy Shamrock may have claimed the crown, but every establishment has earned its place in the grand tapestry of Barrow's boozing culture.
And with that, we throw down the gauntlet to rest of you armchair ale critics - Do you agree with Oliver? If not where is Barrow's supreme pint of stout? Drop your takes below and of course, why not purchase our Guinness inspired Give 'Em Beans! T-shirt and become a living Beans advertisement whilst propping up the bar at your local.
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