Barrow Oldham, and it's live!!!
- Barra Punx
- Oct 12
- 4 min read
Oldham Athletic (A) - EFL League 2 - 11th October 2025
Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set and Go and Do Something Less Boring Instead?
Why Don't You?
Because the football's on, mate. Barrow football. Actually, you might have a point.
I'm watching today's game on Sky Sports, trying to get that new fan experience. And it's full-fat, 12-sugars, bend-over-and-give-me-your-Direct-Debit Sky Sports at that. Not a dodgy stick from dodgy Tarquin down the Tally, one-frame-per-second buffervision. I get all the ads, BetPaul trying to lift you up by the ankles and shake the copper from your pockets, order a pizza for half-time (a pizza for half-time, you fat pigs? I've just had me tea), Aston Villa are on Super Sunday so gizza 'nother 30 sheets. You get the idea.
You do miss out on certain delights, not attending. Frequenting the local Wetherspoons, not visiting the club shop for the Ghislaine Maxwell-branded retro address book and shotgun set*, discussion on why Oldham doesn't have a sandwich bar called Frankie's Bunns or a casino named Andy's Riches.
But there are upsides: you can visit the bar whenever you like and you don't have the ever-present sense of anxiety that you're gonna get caught on one of Ian Allington's long zooms eating a Dairylea Lunchable. Unless he's using his camera in a way as yet undetected by the authorities. I'm sure he's not. We love you, Big E!
In the studio we have Clinton Morrison and some bloke I'm sure I recognise on pundit duties. With no Premier League or Championship, we are the weekend's big fixture. Our first battle is against Celebrity Inner Circle and Celebrity The Chase for the hearts and minds of the nation. With Oldham having the best defensive record in the league (despite Manny Monthe being a regular) and our world-famous goalscoring difficulties, we don't have the makings of a prime-time fixture. Will there be more movement in Amanda Holden's face than us trying to move through the lines?
Barrow fans have been deposited in the upper left corner of the away stand, making it look like we've brought about two blokes. An incessant drum has already started up, giving the game all the atmosphere of an early-90s Amsterdam gabber B-side and drowning out any noise from us (on the TV coverage at least). A pleasant day for football, contrasting sharply with last week's monsoon, the apricity of the October sun casting long shadows over the pitch, possibly caused by Joe Royle's head. We start the game well enough, a couple of good moves and half-chances created. Newby will go on to have an excellent first half. Possession stats flash up after five minutes showing us having the lion's share. This will not continue. Josh Gordon again starts as the lone striker; it's hard to argue with, given the upturn in results. And it's what we wanted, right? A bit of stabilisation at the sacrifice of entertainment? It's tempting to get greedy and start demanding a more attacking line-up, but for me, if it's working, let the points roll. For now. Although the injury crisis has receded somewhat, it's obvious some players still aren't at 100%; case in point, Isaac Fletcher. Nothing wrong with his performance overall, but he looks like he's playing in pig-iron boots. Crisis averted but not yet over.
Oldham are starting to find more space between the lines and getting some decent balls into the box. Stanway comes for a cross and fluffs his punch, and boy will co-commentator Courtney Sweetman-Kirk not let him forget it. Banging on about it well into the second half, despite Stanway putting in a borderline man-of-the-match performance for us. She likes some stuff, she doesn't like some stuff.
Remember when World Cup cameramen would give us a gratuitous zoom shot of the lovely lady they'd spotted in the crowd? Usually during a Brazil or Sweden game? We have an equivalent, but it's Oldham chairman and Last of the Summer Wine's Howard impersonator Frank Rothwell. He's behind the goal and giving his sex eyes to camera. We will see him approximately 91 times during the game. Maybe a reflection on the quality of the action. I'm awaiting Paul Hornby doing laps of the res on a paddle board and taking his place on the popular side, screaming "get it forward!" On to the second half, same as the first half. Lots of possession for Oldham, not creating much but having the best of the opportunities; Michael Mellon hitting the post and creating some pinball-wizard action in the goalmouth is about as exciting as it gets.
We've defended well all game, Ben Jackson having his best performance in a defensive capacity that I've seen. Harper has our best chance, winning his header from a corner but maybe getting too good a connection as the ball goes over the bar. There's still time for a penalty shout; second-half sub McCann is wrestled to the ground by Monthe in the box.
The pundits suggest he's just being strong, he's used to defending against big centre-forwards and McCann was going nowhere. So fucking what, a foul is a foul. Could easily have been given; the ref had a perfect view, but he's been shit all game, so no surprises it's waved away. I believe Stanway made a good save in the closing moments, but I'd nipped for a wee, resigned to the 0-0.
Back to the studio where Dunn suggests we won't progress as a club until we bring the training facilities home. Let's just stick to what works.
Walsall next, stroll in the park.
*Not a real product.
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